Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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