my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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