So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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