my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
