Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
