halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Shame is for Republicans.
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