i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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