can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
