Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
