Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
