Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
