just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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