I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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