he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
