i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
