you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
