My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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