I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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