in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
