Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
