i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
