just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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