the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
