Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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