WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
