Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
