Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
