Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
