Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
