I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
