doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
