What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
