Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
