I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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