I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize