So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize