Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
