Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
