I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
