This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
