I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
