I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize