i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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