There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
