True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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