Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
