nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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