i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
