Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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