2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
only you would photoshop your dick
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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