how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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