next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
