is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
