Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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