it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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