i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
