just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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