my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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