Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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