I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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