the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I will pee on everything he values.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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