he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
