im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
