oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
