Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
