you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
