don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
