Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
