There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
