the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
