This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
